she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
