literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth