Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
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We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She needs sedatives and a leash
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Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.