Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
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...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am