That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness