I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.