You made me cry and you don't even care
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...