yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
