I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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