Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
