The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
