So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
