People in love make me want to vomit
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
