so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
