Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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