You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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