just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize