it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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