You don't have asthma, your pregnant
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
