I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
