my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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