My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
