I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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