I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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