Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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