You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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