He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
