someone get that fucking seahorse.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
