he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
