I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
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Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize