after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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