I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize