Do you still have your period?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How does it feel to date your dad?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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