how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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