Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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