well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
