Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
