i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
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Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize