We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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