If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
