She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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