Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
