If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
