woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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