Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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