My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
