so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
