It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
