my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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