3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
