Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
