just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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