but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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