My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
