I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
