You know, be my cock's hype man.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
