I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
