That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
