Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I sprained my soul last night
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
