Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
