Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize