some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
