There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
