I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy