I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.