anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me