Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.