All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Houston, we have a squirter
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him