Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
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I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
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My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.